NuWho - Series 8, Episode 6 - The Caretaker (Season 34, Story 246)

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Quotes
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Clara: There's no way out of this. We're going to die here.
The 12th Doctor: Pass me the vibro-cutters.
Clara: They're in my pocket.
The 12th Doctor: Come on then, pass them to me.
Clara: In my other jacket. At home.
The 12th Doctor: Why have you got two jackets? Is one of them faulty?

"Of course we won't starve. The sand piranhas will get us long before that." ~ The Twelfth Doctor

The 12th Doctor: I'm the new caretaker. John Smith.
Danny: Welcome to Coal Hill, Mister Smith.
The 12th Doctor: Thanks. Yes, John Smith's the name. But, you know, here's a thing. Most people just call me the Doctor.

Clara: Deep cover in my school? Why? Where's Atif, what have you done with him?
The 12th Doctor: He's fine. Hypnotised. He thinks he's got the 'flu. Also a flying car and three wives. It's going to be a rude awakening.

The 12th Doctor: Listen, it's lovely talking to you, but I've really got to get on. I'm a caretaker now. Look, I've got a brush.
Clara: Doctor, is there an alien in this school?
The 12th Doctor: Yes, me. Now, go. The walls need sponging and there's a sinister puddle.

Clara: You can't do this. You cannot pass yourself off as a real person among actual people.
The 12th Doctor: I lived among otters once for a month. Well, I sulked. River and I, we had this big fight...
Clara: Human beings are not otters!
The 12th Doctor: Exactly. It'll be even easier.

The 12th Doctor: Go and sing with the otters.
Clara: I hate you.
The 12th Doctor: That's fine. That's a perfectly normal reaction.

The 12th Doctor: Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice in 1796.
Clara: This is Mr. Smith, the temporary caretaker and he's a bit confused.
The 12th Doctor: Not in 1797, because she didn't have the time, she was so busy doing...
Clara: Oh, I suppose she as your bezzie mate, was she and you went on holidays together and then you got kidnapped by Boggons from space, and then you formed a band and met Buddy Holly!
The 12th Doctor: No. I read the book. There's a bio at the back.

The 12th Doctor: I'm sure I won't need you, Sergeant. Fully qualified. (sparks) You best get back to your PE class.
Danny: Oh, I teach maths.
The 12th Doctor: Do you? What, in emergencies?
Danny: No. I'm a maths teacher.

The 12th Doctor: Can't you read?
Courtney: Course I can read. Read what?
The 12th Doctor: The door. It says, Keep Out.
Courtney: No, it says, Go Away Humans.
The 12th Doctor: Oh, so it does. Never lose your temper in the middle of a door sign.

"Oh, listen, there's the bell. Off you go. Haven't you got shoplifting to go to?" ~ The Twelfth Doctor

The 12th Doctor: I used to have a teacher exactly like you once.
Clara: You still do. Pay attention.

Blitzer: Range one point four nine scan complete problem problem.
The 12th Doctor: Listen. I'm unarmed. I'm peaceful. Don't you understand? I, I know that you shouldn't be on this planet but I can help you with that. I...
Blitzer: Problem solution destroy.

"Oh, oh, well done, PE, brilliant work. What's this? A chronodyne generator? I'll just deactivate that, shall I? I've got a swimming certificate so that qualifies me to meddle with higher technology. Never mind that some people are actually trying to save the planet. Oh, no. There's only room in my head for cross-country and the offside rule." ~ The Twelfth Doctor

"Clara, why are you talking to him like that? Why are you using words like chronodyne? Was that thing a space thing? Oh. Oh, my God, you're from space. You're a spacewoman. You said you were from Blackpool." ~ Danny Pink

Danny: How stupid do you think I am?
The 12th Doctor: I'm willing to put a number on it.
Danny: I'm not a moron, Clara. And he's not the caretaker. He's your dad. Your space dad.
The 12th Doctor: Oh, genius. That is, that is really, really brilliant reasoning. How can you think that I'm her dad when we both look exactly the same age?
Clara: We do not look the same age.
The 12th Doctor: I was being kind.

The 12th Doctor: And when this is all over, you can finish the job.
Clara: How do you mean?
The 12th Doctor: Well, you've explained me to him. You haven't explained him to me.

The 12th Doctor: Now you mention it, being a Time Lord, I can feel a light shield aura when it's right next to me.
Danny: Oh ho, ho. Time Lord? Might have known.
The 12th Doctor: Might have known what?
Danny: Well, the accent's good, but you can always spot the aristocracy. It's in the, the attitude.

"Humans. I never learn." ~ The Twelfth Doctor

Danny: You're using her like a decoy?
The 12th Doctor: No, not like a decoy. As a decoy. Don't they teach you anything at stupid school?
Danny: Well, is there anything I can do?
The 12th Doctor: Yes. Yes, and this is very, very important. Leave us alone!

Clara: Why's it listening to you?
The 12th Doctor: Listening to its superior. This is a rough copy. It thinks I'm its general. Initiate input. Commence shutdown protocol. No conflict. Conclusion?
Blitzer: Problem solution.
The 12th Doctor: Conclusion. 
Blitzer: Final input code missing. Emergency terminate. Initiate self-destruct in nine eight...

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Trivia
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Jane Austen began writing the novel Pride and Prejudice after staying at Goodnestone Park in Kent with her brother Edward and his wife in 1796. The novel was originally titled First Impressions by Jane Austen, and was written between October 1796 and August 1797. So in the context of this story, both the Doctor and Clara are equally correct.

Clara speculates that The Doctor and Jane Austen were kidnapped by "Blogons," causing him to criticize the made-up race's name. "Blogons" is the name of an enemy alien race in "Inspector Spacetime," the Doctor Who spoof featured in several installments of "Community."

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Trailer
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Doctor Who: Season 8 DVD is available at Amazon.com

NuWho - Series 8, Episode 5 - Time Heist (Season 34, Story 245)

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Quotes
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The 12th Doctor: Are you taller?
Clara: Heels.
The 12th Doctor: What, do you have to reach a high shelf?
Clara: Right, got to go. Going to be late.
The 12th Doctor: For a shelf?

Architect [OC]: The Bank of Karabraxos is impregnable.
(The Doctor takes a mobile phone sized item from the case.)
Guard [OC]: Please stand away from the door. We do not wish to hurt you before incineration.
Architect [OC]: The Bank of Karabraxos has never been breached. You will rob the Bank of Karabraxos.
(Glass shatters.)

The 12th Doctor: Mutant human. What kind of mutant?
Saibra: Like he says, why are you in charge now?
The 12th Doctor: It's my special power. What's yours?

The 12th Doctor: Question one. Robbing banks is easy if you've got a Tardis. So why am I not using it?
Clara: Question two, where us the Tardis?
The 12th Doctor: Okay, that probably should be question one.

Psi: Ever tried not thinking about something?
Clara: No.
Porrima: You may have to.

The 12th Doctor: There must be a plan.
Clara: What if the plan is, we're blowing up the floor for someone else? What if we're not supposed to make it out alive?
The 12th Doctor: Oh, don't be so pessimistic. It'll affect team morale.
Saibra: What, and getting us blown up won't?
The 12th Doctor: Well, only very, very briefly.

Psi: No, no, no. This guy, your mate, is a lunatic.
The 12th Doctor: What do you want, Psi, more than anything else? Whatever it is, it's in this bank. You agreed to rob the most impregnable bank in history. You must have had a very good reason. We all must have. Picture the thing you want most in the universe, and decide how badly you want it. Well?
Psi: Still don't understand why you're in charge.

Saibra: Ah, so that's it. That's your plan?
The 12th Doctor: Yep.
Saibra: A thing will happen?
The 12th Doctor: A thing. Probably.

Saibra: Do we have time for this?
The 12th Doctor: Well, why not? There's no immediate threat.
(An alarm sounds.)
Computer: Warning. Intruders detected.
The 12th Doctor: I should stop saying things like that.

Saibra: Mutant gene. No one can touch me. If they do, I transform. Touch me, Doctor, and you'll be looking at yourself. I am alone.
The 12th Doctor: Why?
Saibra: Could you trust someone who looked back at you out of your own eyes?

Saibra: When you meet the Architect, promise me something. Kill him.
The 12th Doctor: I hate him, but I can't make that promise.
Saibra: A good man. I left it late to meet one of those.

Clara: Hey. You okay?
The 12th Doctor: No, I'm an amnesiac robbing a bank. Why would I be okay?

"Come on! Come and find me! Every thief and villain in one big cocktail. I am so guilty! Every famous burglar in history is hiding in this bank right now in one body. Come and feast!" ~ Psi

Clara: How would he know when a storm would hit?
The 12th Doctor: (laughs) Of course. Stupid, stupid Doctor. Of course, of course.
Clara: Of course, what?
The 12th Doctor: Whoever planned all this, they're in the future. This isn't just a bank heist, it's a time travel heist. We've been sent back in time to the exact moment of the storm, to be in exactly the right place when it hits, because that's the only time the bank is vulnerable.

"It explains why we're not here in the Tardis. The solar disruption would have made navigation impossible. The one time the bank is vulnerable is the one time we can't just land." ~ The Twelfth Doctor

"Must be noisy inside its head. Painful to listen to so much chatter, so many secrets. Must drive it wild. How can you force it to obey?" ~ The Twelfth Doctor

Karabraxos: Fired? I put all of the used clones into the incinerator. Can't have to many of moi scattered around.
Psi: Sorry, you don't get on with your own clone?
The 12th Doctor: She hates her own clones. She burns her own clones. Frankly, you're a career break for the right therapist.

The 12th Doctor: Shut up. Just shut up, shut up, shut up, shutetty up up up. What, what did you say? What did you say? What did you say about your own eyes? De-shut up. Say it again. 
Saibra: How can you trust someone if they look back at you out of your own eyes?

Karabraxos: What in the name of sanity is going in this room now?
The 12th Doctor: We're getting sanity judgment from the self-burner.

"What have I told you about pessimism? That's it, that's it. There are so many memories in here. Feast on them. Tuck in. Big scarf, bow tie, bit embarrassing. What do you think of the new look? I was hoping for minimalism, but I think I came up with magician. In the last few days, there's been a block. Can you see the block? Tell me why I'm here. Show me why I'm here. Show me!" ~ The Twelfth Doctor

"So much mental traffic in the universe. Solitude is the only peace." ~ The Twelfth Doctor

The 12th Doctor: Don't worry. Calories consumed on the Tardis have no lasting effect.
Clara: What? Are you kidding?.
The 12th Doctor: Of course I'm kidding. It's a time machine, not a miracle worker.

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Trivia
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The script and rough-cut of this episode were leaked online before it was broadcast.

Keeley Hawes (Ms Delphox) is not credited as Karabraxos.

Mr. Porrima, the bank customer copied by Saibra to gain access to the safety deposit boxes, is only identified in the credits, not in dialogue.

The episode contains an image of Abslom Daak, a character who originated in comic stories. This is one of the few examples of a TV episode referencing a character who originated outside of the TV series itself. Daak's image appears among a number of other characters from past seasons of Doctor Who and The Sarah Jane Adventures. An image of James Marsters as Captain John Hart is also seen.

This is the third series 8 episode to not feature Missy, the first was Robot of Sherwood and the second was Listen.


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Trailer
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